Why I *still* worry about showing my body hair

I think about my own body hair a lot. In fact, it's one of those things where if I were to take all the time and energy I spent thinking about it, and save it up, I could do something pretty awesome and incredible. But instead I spend that time and energy thinking about what other people might think. (I'm working on that.)

I don't currently shave my legs or my armpits. I haven't done since about November, which was when my last disposable razor became blunt. Before that, I shaved intermittently, depending on my relationship status, the weather, and if I was going swimming much.
It's something I've been thinking about more lately, as it's getting to be the time of year when, if it's there, body hair will be on display. I've already braved hairy armpits in both social and work contexts with no comment, but hairy legs sticking out the edge of rolled up jeans have prompted comments ranging from piss-taking (being told by a man that they are almost as hairy as his) to surprise and disgust (being told, by an acquaintance who I do youth work with, that they were gross. I think she was more shocked than genuinely disgusted. Although none of the young people commented on the hair, which I was pleasantly surprised by.)

My last significant other made a point of saying that he didn't have an issue with my body hair, which I think is pretty sound. I felt comfortable having hairy legs and armpits around him, because it just wasn't an issue. Which it shouldn't be, to be honest.

But the person I was with before then didn't make me quite as comfortable. She didn't actively comment on my body hair, but she would frequently say (in all seriousness) "oh, I haven't shaved my legs, I'm sorry, they're disgusting..." to which I would always reply that they were fine, and really not disgusting. Her hair was a lot fairer than mine, so any growth was barely noticable, but that really wasn't the issue, I wouldn't have been bothered if she did have visible body hair! But her comments hardly made me feel that my body hair was something she would be accepting of, given the disgust she had for it on her own body.

I'm not currently in a relationship, so any decision I now make about my body hair doesn't take into account a girlfriend or boyfriend's preference or opinion. All I have to think about now is what I want. Well, what I want and also how much hassle I want to put up with when I go out in public.

I wish that I could go to work in a skirt without tights, without risking colleagues looking at my legs distastefully. I feel uncomfortable enough going swimming, without attracting scornful glances for not having shaved off any hair that might cause offense. I get enough street harassment for cycling through the city centre, without people being able to see when I stop at the traffic lights that my legs are hairy...

But then I admit, I don't know how colleagues would respond to my bare hairy legs, because I've never tried it. Each time it gets to be warm enough to wear a skirt without tights, I cave in and shave them. And then I keep shaving them. Until it's no longer leg-baring weather. We have a reasonably relaxed dress code in my office, but the only hair I have ever seen is above the shoulders. I can dress as smartly as I like, but if I walked into a meeting with hairy legs I would feel less confident than if they were either shaved or covered up. Maybe I'm worrying too much? Maybe a lot of people just won't care. But the people who have commented in the past, perhaps unthinkingly, made me feel incredibly self-conscious.

My hair is naturally dark and reasonably thick. If I have bare legs, you can see the hair on them. I'm slightly envious of female friends of mine with fairer body hair, who don't shave but also pass more easily in the world of smooth-legged women. Sometimes I get exasperated at myself for spending so much time thinking about society's response to my body hair, because I should be thinking about much more important things. But then I remember that it's ok to get upset about the small things too. And street harassment on the basis of my physical appearance is indicative of the wider problem that women's bodies are considered public domain.

Then this campaign caught my eye: Hairy Awarey Campaign. Running from 1st June - 31st July, it encourages women to grow and show their body hair during this period. The rationale is that many women remove or hide their body hair because of fears of a negative response from society, but if women all began showing their hair, then the taboo could be lifted. I've seen this work on a smaller scale - a lot of my ace feminist friends don't shave and that means that when we're out together, I don't feel self conscious about my body hair because I'm not the only one. To have that feeling of security on a larger scale would be incredible, and I like the idea enough to join the campaign. I had been thinking about shaving my legs and armpits this spring/summer, for an easier life, but I'm going to try and hold off. Sometimes just knowing that I have the support of other women is enough to make me feel strong.